recentering children

When I decided to take in my little brother, it didn’t feel like much of a choice. I still don’t have a complete answer when my motives are called into question. It’s hard to stay intentional without a God to answer to or a parent to hold accountable. On the days that don’t feel noble, I have to find something stronger than pride to stand on: principle.

The needs of children have always been undeniably nonnegotiable to me. So much so that I made up my mind a long time ago that I would have to miss out on motherhood entirely. Yet, here I am, considering everything twice. I used to take great pride in living alone and not being responsible for anyone, so this adjustment has given me quite the whiplash. I’ve spent the last half-decade redefining my purpose in this world, foolishly believing I’d find lasting fulfillment within myself. However, tethering myself to something as dynamic as children has offered me a different perspective on my expectations for my adult self.

As a proud member of the inaugural class of the FTK honor society, I’ll be the first to admit that the growing demand for childless spaces is inherently counterproductive. We all know there are, arguably, too many reasons not to have children. However, the right to a childless life does not equate to a childless world. In a collective effort to consolidate our attention and energy, we are quickly progressing right back into conservatism. 

I’ve seen animals receive more grace than literal children. Restaurants will bend health codes backward to ensure people can bring their slobbery dogs into their establishment, but will restrict or ban children altogether without an adult sponsor. At what point do we start calling this subhuman treatment?

As a child of Obama’s America, this is incredibly jarring to witness; back in my day, the world revolved around children. Every space made sure to include a juvenile attraction because the presence of children was expected, if not welcomed. Now, it’s tolerated if even allowed. 

The child/tween/teen exclusive space is now a thing of the past. I grew up in a moderated ecosystem of pop culture that operated separately from the mainstream, complete with celebrities, publications, and merchandising. Like the generation before me, the standards and expectations for my generation were higher than they are today. Requiring adult companionship (by either policy or circumstance) is stunting the maturity of our youth.

How progressive can parental autonomy be if it subsequently excludes those who choose to be so? If social progress depends on our children, how progressive can excluding them really be? When does the generational choice to abstain from parenthood become counterproductive? Somehow, we’ve become conservatively progressive, chastising those whose traditional choices are just that: choices.

The decentering of the entire world is exhausting and, ultimately, lazy. Children require such a rigorous amount of effort that most people have resorted to complete aversion toward this very necessary part of life. As a former child and reluctant caregiver, it felt impossible to ignore my debt to the youth in commemoration of my survival. If humans could survive alone, there would be one; this life requires you to focus on something else, and I recommend children.

People often overlook children as one of the most severely oppressed classes. We exclusively expect blind obedience from children in a way unique from any other subgroup. In fact, science has only recently begun to recognize children as children, not merely small adults. Historically, children’s role in society has consisted of population buffering and free labor. Today, those two things (and the subsequent need for children) are, seemingly, no longer needed.

People are quick to criticize generations Z and Alpha for their apparently limited maturity without recognizing the neglect it took to get there. Beyond the schoolhouse and the residence, the public prefers not to be reminded of their duty to children. They avoid taking responsibility for the global abandonment of a generation. It’s easier to isolate and antagonize parents who are forced to choose between a roof over their heads and bedtime stories. And throughout all this, somehow, the government continues to get away with fostering these conditions to begin with.

People get this somber mix of pitiful adoration in their eyes when I speak of my brother. They praise the gall it takes and grieve the circumstances they imagine it took to get here. I know I am doing a good thing, but I didn’t realize others see it as something more. Many “I could never do that”s later, and I’ve come to understand just how elusive prioritizing children has become. How unfathomable it is to others that I am doing this simply out of the love and kindness within my heart.

Prioritizing children is my norm and a talent to others, and I attribute most of my mental agility to this fact.